The Tale of the Blue Spirit
by Airmage
Summary: Zuko's monologue after he had left Uncle. It's slight AU, if you squint, and inspired by goldenbrook15's 'Alone'.


I have walked among people who prided their nation's achievements. I have walked among those who called themselves the greatest people in this world. People who fought, lived, and breathed for their nation's life. People who burn, fight, and destroy, following the heated tempo of their hearts. I have seen them struggle against the world where they are called monsters, an entire world that has forgotten the true reason of why the war had started. I too, was among those people. I too had lived and loved them. They were my people.

But when I was eight, my mother was gone. She died, I think, but my father had failed to give me a proper answer. There is one thing that, even after all of these years, has failed to leave me. A boy's love for his mother, who left when he was at such a tender age, can never fade away. Her words stay with him throughout the rest of his life. Her voice, her touch, her gentle face as she smiles at him can never be forgotten.

I was left alone, then, for my father saw me as weak and worthless, and my sister despised me. She sought every opportunity to underhand me. And she was two years my junior. My uncle, whom I love now and adore, above all of my relations, had left me alone, grieving for his dead son. It was only six months before he saw me, and took me under his wing, training me the best he could. But even then, his love for me was restrained, for it was not proper, and people could of treachery.

When I was twelve, I spoke up against one of my father's acquaintances in a meeting. I only went to learn, to take up my father's mantle after he passed. I suggested a slight alternative to this acquaintance's proposal. My father took offense, and said that only an Agni Kai would settle this. I agreed.

But it was my father's war council, so it was my father whom I fought with. He said that I would learn respect, and suffering would be my teacher. He scarred me.

I was cast out from my family, my home, and my people. I left the place I'd walk within for twelve years of my life, with only my uncle to keep me company. Even now, I can sense that my sister is smirking at my misfortune. My father said that she was born lucky, while I was lucky to be born.

Then I travelled the world, and learned things that no other could dream of learning, even the Avatar. I had fought and bleed, killed and was nearly killed. My heart was broken, and left my a scar as my father had. I was betrayed, so I betrayed.

I climbed among the mountains and beneath the cliffs. I walked among the empty halls of the Airbenders' temples, learning about a civilization that was long lost to the flames of the Fire Nation. I read their stories, many from faded pictures on their walls. I have seen their way of life, and I wonder, why could have my nation done such a thing.

I traveled to the poles of the world, the cold nipping at me, trying to kill me even as I stood wearing the warmest of clothes. The south tribe struggled to live, forgotten by her sister in the north. No tall homes for them, only ice and animal skin shelters, being defended by boys as their men went off to fight in the war. No water benders to defend them, as all had them captured, and mercilessly slaughtered. I saw the sister tribe in the north, tall buildings, and heart as cold as their home. I walked their icy, cold, and beautiful streets. I walked north, where no one dared to walk before. I saw them fight valiantly for a home that was threatened. I watched them, as every available warrior ran up to meet their enemy; I watched them fight off their attackers.

I walked upon the land of the Earth kingdom. I walked as far as my tired feet could carry me, and then I walked farther. Uncle had been with me up until this point. For four years we have traveled together as he took up under his wing. But now our paths have separated, and though I've done it all to protect him, I am more alone now than I ever was.

I have fought and stolen to survive, but only from those who could afford it. I would never lay a hand on those whom I know are weaker than me. I drank from the fresh springs of earth's waters, bathed in the lakes. I saw as fire burned through, splitting families of both earth and fire. I saw as blood ran down from murdered bodies, watched as it watered the earth. I felt the wind blow by, unheeding, uncaring, of what it passes through.

It hurts me, and yet it also comforts me, to know that I can walk among the torn families, and share their grief. I can protect them; I can do what I must. If they knew who I was, they could never accept me. I can bleed for them, and that is not enough. Perhaps it isn't. I am one man, but they demand that I pay for the sins of the Firelords of this hundred year war. I try and do what I can. But it is not enough. I am one man. There is only so much that I can do. And still, the burden falls upon me.

In my travels, I have come across many who tried to hinder, stop, or kill me. I have fought against spirits, people, and the monsters that are people. I have rescued the Avatar from the grasps of the Fire Nation Admiral Zhao, for I know the monster he was, and I desired to finish the task that would send me home, back to my father. Yes, even then, even though it had been obvious that my father did not want me and that he was a tyrant, some small part of me, the child in me, wanted to go home. But that was not the only reason why. I could leave no child to the cruel hands of a monster, even if the child was the Avatar. Though at that point, the Avatar only knew air bending.

I donned my blue mask, the reminder of my dear mother, whose fate remains unknown to me even to this day. I donned my black clothes, a dress of grieving and hatred and melancholy. I donned my Duo Dao swords, and my dagger. I snuck into the Pohuai Stronghold, and I rescued Aang, for while he only mastered one element he could not be call Avatar just yet. It was not easy to leave as it was to sneak in. In the end, it seemed that Aang saved my life. He was the only one to see this face beneath the mask. And he will only ever be the only one, though I have no doubt that my Uncle knows.

I am wanted by the Fire Nation, and many Earth Kingdom's ruling classes, as both the mask and the man underneath. I know that the common people who seen my mask welcome me, cherish me. They call me a spirit. They call me a myth or a legend. But I am very real, and I write this so that the wanderer who stumbles upon this can understand. I am very real, and I am human like many of you.

I have been broken, and torn to pieces. If I ever laughed in the past few years, it was only in the presence of my uncle. I have forgotten what it was like to have a family, to have a mother and a father, who love you, and a little sibling you played with, or an older sibling who teased you and taught you things. I'd forgotten what it feels like to sleep on a bed, to never worry about my next meal. I'd forgotten what it was like to steal kisses from my crush, and covering up our meetings as if we were doing something forbidden.

All I have now are my mask, my blades, two pairs of clothes, and a sack on my back. Even the ostrich-horse I had died and I used her meat to survive. My only food is what the land can give me, and my only shelter is what I can find. My ultimate defense is my bending. Yes, on top of being from a nation that has started this war, I'm a bender as well. But I wouldn't dare to use it, not unless I have no other choice. My identity is all I have left, and that too must be kept secret.

Now you know.

_**Blue Spirit**_


End file.
